It looks like you have a bi-directional one-on-one association.
The solution to this problem is to add inverse="true" on the one-to-many relationship. Here is an example .
Insertion is performed by a child element that saves its data. The update is performed by the parentId parameter of the child record in the database. If the relation was unidirectional, the first insert would not have parentId, and an update would be required. In a bidirectional manner, updating is redundant as you describe. inverse="true" tells parents that the child is responsible for maintaining the relationship, thereby preventing additional updates.
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